After not having been very into religion since winter break, I decided a few days ago to make an effort and try to get back into it. When once I felt some sort of comfort and peace when I prayed, the presence of the Holy Ghost, now I feel nothing. Now when I pray I feel alone, like God is distant- is anyone really listening?
Today hasn’t been very good. I woke up at 9:04 A.M. thinking I could stay in bed for a few more minutes before getting ready for math at 10. After what feels like maybe three minutes, I get a phone call from my friend Alec saying he needs a ride back from Lexington, which is 10 minutes away- I say sure, thinking I’d have plenty of time to get ready. After hanging up, I see the time on my phone- 10:01 A.M. No f*&^ing way. I couldn’t just ditch him, though- everyone else was having car troubles or just didn’t want to drive in the snow. I get him, bring him back, get ready, go to Leader Servant (which is in the same room as my Math class- luckily I didn’t run in to my teacher). It already feels like a bad day. I don’t know what my homework for tonight in Math is now. I go to lunch with Allie, tell her how it feels like a bad day, of course she says “Well, with that attitude yeah.” I kind of hate it when she says stuff like that. A nice reassurance like “it’ll get better!” would have been a lot more useful. We get to the lunchroom, and Allie chooses to sit with some people we know- where there’s no room for me. Awesome. So I sit alone and plug in my iPod. I hear Allie call me, and she asks why I’m sitting where I am. I respond with the obvious- there’s no room for me. She points to a spot, and I say there’s a plate there, someone’s sitting there. She asks the guy next to the chair and he confirms it. She then mentions the girl sitting next to her might be leaving- she’s not, she just got more food. She says she feels bad that I’m sitting where I am, but I tell her not to worry about it, whatever. I was a little disappointed she didn’t come sit next to me after that, but that wasn’t such a big deal, I just wish she would have made sure there was room for me in the first place. Jessica sits next to me for the last 3 minutes of me being there (she just arrived), so that made me feel better.
I go to Biology. I don’t understand anything the teacher goes over. I get my test back, I got a 65% (on the bright side, I think, the class average was 75%). I think I’ve missed an online test for the class, too. I have a paper due in Biology on Friday, which I think is kinda weird. Western Literature is better, I get to tell the class what a Femme Fatal is. I haven’t read any of The Odyssey so far though and we’re about half way through it, I’ve just spark noted part of it so far. I fail at life. There’s a paper due in a few weeks that requires me to have read at least part of the text, so I need to start now. I get to Western Civilization, where I have a test I was freaking out about because I didn’t get a chance to study. I actually think I did pretty well on it. I have a paper due on Friday though that I need to start. I think JP’s still mad at me for the tussle we got into on Saturday. Whatever.
While typing this out, I enjoyed a nice strawberry vanilla milkshake. It was delicious, and I feel a bit better. I really just wish there was a Mongolian Grill here- that’s my real comfort food.
I love my job.